My Meantime…

Patience.  Some people say they’re not equipped with it.  Some people have an abundance.  Me…well…not so much.  However, God equips His people! 

I’ve heard my pastor as well as other pastors say patience is what you do while you’re waiting…not how you wait. 

I don’t wait very well.  For anything.  I knew coming home from Ukraine I would be in a waiting season.  At least I was able to prepare mentally, a little.

Before I left for Ukraine I was looking forward to making wise use of my alone time.  Lots of time to be religious.  After all, for the majority of our adoption process I rarely doubted we wouldn’t have the funds to complete it.  God equips.  God is mighty.  God will come through. 

“…being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.”   Phil 1:6 NKJV

There were times, of course, where I would get lost in my confidence.  In my faith.  There was a lot of me me me going on in my head. While I was aware of it, the more I thought of it, prayed about it, tried dealing with it, I became consumed with it.  There was even a time when I believed God’s love for me was conditional.  Again, I knew better, yet we all have battles in our minds.  That was just one of mine.  I would only want to do good because if I made the right choices (for the wrong reasons) God would reward us financially and allow more funds to come in. 

In a rush to finish our last minute packing, I left every single one of my Bible studies at home.  On top of that, I left the charger for my MP3 player at home as well.  I had none of my regular habitual comforts that kept my paths straight in the Lord. 

As time went on in Ukraine, I prayed less and less.  I couldn’t hear God’s voice anymore.  It seemed as though I had forgotten how to pray!  Dan and I would talk about God and how awesome He was…yet daily we distanced ourselves from the One who brought us there.

I knew, while in Ukraine I would eventually have to confess my sins to my friends.  I had already confessed to God.  He knew my heart, He knew I was sorry, He would deliver me.  If you know me personally, you know I used to love beer.  And with my beer came smoking.  (yuck, I know!) 

James 1:5 in the NKJV says to, “Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed.” 

I didn’t drink a lot.  But I had at least one beer every night for maybe a week.  I smoked in my boredom (you could smoke in the hotel restaurant) and I was bored a lot.  I knew full well what I was doing was wrong.  Would God still love me?  Absolutely.  Yet Hebrews 10:26 rang painfully in my ears, “  For is we sin willfully after we have received the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins.”  NKJV

The day I got Mayah out, I never smoked again.  Quitting that time was certainly not difficult.  I was not yet strong enough physically and spiritually to be put in that situation and stand without God and make it.  The lesson I learned about how much we need God on a daily basis keeps my paths straight now.  It’s at the end of us that God can begin to work.  Once we take over without Him, that’s exactly when we screw it all up.  No matter how strong we think we are, God is always stronger, God is always mighty, God is always needed

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”  Romans 8:28 NKJV


3 responses »

  1. Hebrews 10:35:
    “Cast not away therefore your CONFIDENCE, which hath great recompence of reward. For ye have need of PATIENCE, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might RECEIVE THE PROMISE. For yet a little while, and he that shall come will come, and will not tarry. Now the just shall live by faith: but if [any man] draw back, my soul shall have no pleasure in him. But we are NOT of them who draw back unto perdition; but of them that believe to the SAVING of the soul.”

    It is so good to know that there can be only once sacrifice for our sins, one time, one forgiveness. That doesn’t mean that if we sin willingly that’s it fort pitt, its over. No way! It means that we are free from the old covenant sacrificial system– steadily, day and night requiring a sin offering. In Christ, God keeps no record of our wrongs, (1 Corinthians 13:5). I’ve found that when we focus on our self and our flesh we will only sin more. It is the devil who is the accuser of the brethren and he who wants us to feel unloved, unforgiven and like failures. Keeping us from praying or other good works for God because we feel unworthy. We are the elect of God and by faith in Christ we are NEW CREATURES, born again, changed, forgiven, sanctified. It never was and never will be a work to stay in God’s favor, when you believe Christ you are translated from the kingdom of darkness into light. It is by faith through grace that we are able to BOLDLY approach the throne of grace in our time of need.

    “For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
    Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38

    You rock Tammy! Keep your eyes on Christ and walk by the Spirit, you are free! ❤

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